By; Leonard Chakupewa Twin Chaks Jr.
Bujumbura, Burundi

One of the stupidest, useless, nonsensical and disgusting things I hate about my fellow men, is irresponsibility to their own blood. This has nothing to do with color, or originality. It’s something happening all over the world today. You approach a girl or a woman, promising her all sorts of sweet stuffs and of course, she agrees and start dating you. She believes you’re her present and future, her one and only.

Few months or years later, she informs you about conceiving. From then on, things begin to change, both to you and her. Her body changes, she undergoes all pains, hardships and sleepless nights carrying the baby for nine months. You keep distancing yourself from her: few calls you make, fewer visitings you do, gap between you and her continues to widen rather than the opposite. She doesn’t mind, because she believes in you beyond shadows of doubts.

Eventually, she delivers and inform you, believing that it will make you happy and proud of her and the offspring. You just congratulate her, and promise to go there soon but you don’t. She reminds you of that few days or weeks later, and all you say is “days have been tough at work recently” as an excuse. She understands, still at hospital recovering from maternal complications. You don’t ask about her health progress, if she eats well, sleeps soundly or the expenses incurred. Busy you’re with working. Don’t have weekly or monthly or even postnatal leave. You convince her that, and she still believes you.

Out of hospital, she gets back home with the child. When the kid gets sick and it is brought to your attention, you say don’t have money, because your company or organization haven’t, for the past six months, paid you a single penny. Yet, you do vacation rentals, have funny with friends and so many other stuffs which involve expenditure. Or even when you do, it’s until you’re threatened to be sued by your baby’s momma and, you provide little compared to what needed to save your child. You do so, while blaming her for setting you up for a pregnancy so that she could use a baby as “bait” for money or other necessities from you.

When you get to the bar, you boast of being a father, a man with manhood. A man who can impregnate. Fools like you clap, and shower you with every sort of compliment for that but in reality, you are an imbecile. You’re manless. You are a disgrace and incapable of being what you claim to be.

Why on earth thinking about approaching her in the first place, if you knew weren’t ready for fatherhood? What the hell is the point of impregnating a lady and then blame her for setting you up, while you did promise her every sort of shit in future? Were you out of your mental faculties, when you made the first move and open your dirty and big mouth? How dare you blame her for setting you while it is you who were willing to ask her for unprotected sex, even in a time she warned you of conceiving probability? And, what else did you expect anyway as an outcome of unprotected sex, apart from pregnancy?

Is it manhood to run away from the effect of your own actions? Is it greatness to deny your own blood? To avaoid responsibility of what you engaged in fully? What’s the difference between irresponsibility to your child and self hatred? How can you claim to be of higher self esteem by denying yourself? Isn’t that itself sign of ignorance and stupidity of self?

So many people, especially fellow men ask me, “Why don’t you have at least few kids with couple of women at your age? They’re plenty, aren’t they?” True it is, that women are everywhere but, I’m not a man of impregnating any woman just because I need to have kids. I need one woman, with whom am going to make kids and spend the rest of my life with. I’m a sensible man, completely ready to wait until I get that one. Honestly, there’s no any pride in having children with many women. It’s hard to even explain the thing to the children themselves.

Few days ago I watched a South African movie about two boys who happened to be best dancers in Johannesburg. Their father was one, but didn’t know. One of them, Muzi, was close to the father until the man’s death while the other, Prince, knew nothing about the man. Before dying, their father was also best dancer and was killed in the very same course few days after coming back from a successful dancing tour in the US. Prince hated Muzi, because the latter seemed very calm, able bodied and attracting to the people. The biggest dancing competition, “Hear Me Move”, was set and involved different rival groups among them, the ones in which two boys danced. Few minutes before performing, he (Prince) ordered his suppprters to abduct Muzi and stab him on the stomach. Despite the fragility of the wound, Muzi didn’t report it to anywhere and insisted to perform with his group. Prince, the obnoxious, bully and drug addict by interest and character, had no doubt that “Ambition”, his group would be pronounced winners against Muzi’s S’bujwa Nation. It however, was opposite. Disappointed with the judges and audience, Prince was about to leave with his crew when Muzi stopped him by holding his hand, “You’re going nowhere. Me and you are brothers by blood and these millions we won, are yours. Come!” Prince, with knowledge of all he has done to his brother seemed devastated, yet ascended the stage and they embraced each other. Muzi, because of performing while bleeding, lost consciousness and Prince carried him to the hospital. Two children of the same bloodline reunited, yet after so many troubles.

Such incidences happen everyday in our societies. Some children grow up not knowing each other and end up marrying or even killing one another. Some of them frame each other into dangers. Some of them hate each other. Some of them betray one another. They do it because weren’t born by the same mother, weren’t told about their relationship from early stages. One of reasons to this? Stupidity of their fathers, to either deny them such information or abandoning their mothers before or after being born.

Guys please and please, if you think don’t have some space for children, at least let these ladies know from the beginning that all you’re interested in is sex. Doing so will help them decide whether to date you or look for another option. Don’t deceive her for just quenching your sexual desires. It is not easy to raise a child or children on their own. Make a child or children with a woman you have future on.

We blame girls or women for throwing children in the pits many times. We blame women for taking anti-conceiving pills nearly all the time. We call them evils, heartless and all names but no one stops to think about those irresponsible men who deserted these ladies, no one thinks about the men who denied pregnancies the day they were informed about it, no one takes serious about forced sex or rape, no one thinks about what was the motive behind the act. We condemn, hate it and in some cultures, deny these ladies even family or clan entitlement or membership. This is unfair treatment and has to stop.

Isn’t this social overlooking one of the reasons why the problem continues to prevail? It’s like attempting to stop the tree from regrowing by merely pruning its branches. It’s no different from hoping recovery of a patient by only laying them down without food, water or medicine. We blame them, taking for granted the involvement of men in perpetrating the decision or the move, and we think that is going to help. We hope it to stop while men continue to feel safe and free to have sex with any lady they want by lying to them. How? Isn’t it foolish to stop floods by a bucket?

It’s high time for the society to be specific and equal, in dealing with this problem. I know in some countries, strict legal instruments regarding the problem are in practice but yet, it keeps happening. Men, a real man doesn’t run from their own responsibilities. Doing so is cowardice, silly and lack of self esteem. Doing so symbolizes immorality and disgrace.

If you can’t take charge of your very own children, stop approaching their mothers. Stop lying to them. Stop silly boasting. If you can’t be responsible for these innocent souls, zip off your trousers. Stop wasting their time. It is much better to have children later than hurrying up while making suffocation a character of their lives. They have feelings like you. They feel pain like you. How do you feel to find out that you were cheated on or lied by someone you trusted most? Terrible, right? If it feels that way to you, why doing it to her or them? Why thinking about it anyway?

Be a man with sensitivity, not a man with insanity.


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